Be Who you want to be! Every thing else will come Naturally.

When you tell a lie, its hard to remember that lie. =)

I want to sky dive soon.

 

I pay a lot of attention to the moon. Most nights I'm looking for it. Some times, I allow it to determine how my night goes.

Beautiful whales.

I love balene whales. I learned a lot about them when I was younger and I loved them ever since. ( I know, I'm weird!) Can't wait to take my son on a whale watch.

My house does not have to be big. This is a nice one though.

My son and I on his third birthday.I'm focusing on getting good grades.

 

 

 

   My main goal right now is getting into a nursing program. I really don't care where. I just want to get it over with and start working, then be able to continue my education. I want to graduate so bad. I hate saying my highest level of education is high school. I can't wait to accomplish that.  Once I'm able to afford,  I want to own a home and have a huge garden. Honesty is such a big deal to me. I need people to be truthful and if you are not, I keep my distance. I am an honest person. I don't need anyone telling me lies or being negative around me. I'm drama free and want to be surrounded by love and positivity. I've been learning how to speak French for a while and I'd like to visit France . I think it would be a nice place to visit. I also want to visit a tropical place. No matter where I go I hope to stay patient and genuine.

 

 

 

When I look at myself and reach to breathe. I notice this voice, in the soul of me.

A hopeful, accepting voice, pushing me to achieve .

Forcing me to succeed.

All my wants, wishes and dreams are waiting just for me.

 I often hope she will set me free, but I hinder that voice with my current reality.

 I'm sorry.

 I am stubborn and I know.

I have some much room to grow.

I will listen and I'll change.

I have so many plans and I'm on my way.

The future is waiting and the time is mine to work hard and claim my shine.  

Can't wait to get through these goals and play the roles.

My future will be bright and filled with hidden golds. 

To BE or Not To BE?

   I am most passionate about bringing happiness into my son's life. Everyday I wake up, I strive to be a better mother. God placed him in my life, right on time. I will forever be grateful and try my best to bring him happiness. Some interests of mine include, spending time with family, laughing, and singing. ( I have a horrible voice but music makes me happy and I try to make people laugh a lot through music.) I like to cut and style hair. I went to cosmetology school but decided it was more of a hobby. I want to travel a lot ,see new places and learn from those experiences.  I am a happy person with a strong heart that tends to be too sensitive. I find myself always helping others. Its like I'm drawn to help people. Helping others is part of me and brings me an inner happiness and peace. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment. I'm not sure what job will make me happy everyday. I know I want to be a nurse, but not sure if being a mid wife will keep me happy. Will I get bored?  

I'm really not sure  what I will be doing in my future. Every day people's lives change. I will continue to do the things that make me happy and stick to my heart's desires. I hope to stay strong willed. I see people change every day. Some people get upset with their lives and grow accustomed to their simple ways. I want to be much more. I'm willing to give up all the old things for better things. I'm leaving my job to get back to care giving. Later in life, I will probably have a bunch of jobs. I'm still planning and deciding. I never thought it would be so hard to be truly happy with one job. I'm starting to think there is no one ideal job for me. What ever it is I do, I just want to be happy and be allowed to reach out to people that need me. I want to make a difference and help change someone's life. I just have to get my own in order first. Why is it so hard for me to be decisive? I'm twenty-four years old! Most of the kids I knew in school have their things in order.Graduated college and some are married. I think of these things all the time but I am still grateful. Grateful for every moment of hardship, every struggle has made me stronger and gives me bigger dreams.

   I'm going to continue to work with people in every job  I do. I couldn't imagine working at a computer desk all day. I just spent two years of my life working with dead letters. I need to be helping someone that needs me. Hands on, giving a hand. That makes me happy. Even when I worked too hard or cried over the stresses of someone else. It made a lot of sense to me. It meant a lot to be a part of someone's life. I hope to continue to be passionate about care giving. I will probably be working with older adults with physical and mental disabilities. I did this before and I was happy with it. I want to ensure that the people without a voice  are well taken care of. Maybe I could over look the care of the elderly, one day. We'll see. 

 I know I have a lot of figuring out to do and a lot of hard work to get through.   I know I can do it. There are people out there that need someone like me to help and care. 

What will I be? to succeed?
I can't find my way so I reach out in my dreams.
I can't figure it out.
God,
-Please help me.
You know my heart and its good intentions.
Give me a sign to the first step. I will listen.
I love to help those in need but I feel something is missing.
I want the answers to my life. Whats my purpose?
 Is this right?
 Some times I'm up at night. I try to do my best in all. but will I be of help,
when my patients call.
Can I support, protect,and still stand tall.
There is someone reaching out for my help.
They need a hand to hold, not just a gate belt.
They cannot walk but try their hardest.
The force inside each person's fight needs no harness.
Alzheimer's cannot hold them back.  We will all be come fragile, cut them some slack. 
My compassion for those in need might break my back but never will I second guess or crack. Born to be a nurse and I will care. 
Its who I will become and what I am.

Maktub: Alchemist Review

  I really enjoyed reading "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. This book is an eye opener and can make someone really unsure about their path THINK! I'm glad I got to read this book. It was an easy read with a lot of things going on. The main character grows throughout the story and becomes a better person. I like the plot because it shows a change that all growing people go through. It shows a lot of struggle and the character overcomes his adversities. I enjoyed seeing the character push through toward his ''Personal Legend".

   One part of the book that I liked was when the character Santiago was robbed and became wiser from that experience. Santiago lost everything he had, the day he was robbed. He had nothing left himself. He felt so low. He was ashamed and cried. He wept because he thought God was unfair and against his dream of going to the pyramids. I really liked seeing Santiago grow from his lose. He thought of where he wanted to be and turned his situation around. The King of Salem made a big impression on the shepherd boy. The King was with Santiago throughout his struggles. While he went through his hard times, Santiago thought of what the king told him. I like that the author shows the king's influence throughout the book. I've had people in my life that have made an impact and I often think of things they've said to keep me going. I can relate to Santiago because I've been through some things and I wanted to give up a few times.

   Paulo did a good job telling the story of Santiago. The book is deep and really gets you thinking about your life and how you chose to live it. We should think of the things Santiago went through and be grateful we didn't have to overcome his issues. These little things I go through are nothing compared to his life. I am so grateful of my own troubles. One thing I did not like about this book was the language was too simple. Theres no figurative language and that may be because the original was in another language. The book was a bit simple.

I would refer this book to a few people I know. My brother should read this. I think he needs a little guidance and should be thinking of his future. This is a great read for young adults struggling with their paths and their daily life choices.

   The shepherd boy

 Young and free  

Eyes set on a treasure he thought he'd never see. 

 He sold his sheep and hit the road 

One day he'd get the gold. 

 He was tricked and robbed, he cried. He sobbed . 

Picked himself up and then took off. 

He made a living in a crystal shop. He had hope and took a shot. 

He grew and over came.

 Giving himself a new name. 

He became a better man while he traveled this foreign land. 

 Santiago so brave and persistent, taught  me a wonderful lesson. 

Follow your heart and just listen.  

It's a start that becomes a mission. 

The world starts to change for you. Working in your favor, for those things made just for you.

Thankful

    I have took a lot of things for granted, I believe everything happens for a reason. One thing I constantly take for granted is my time. I spend a lot if time not giving my all to myself. I should be spending more of my time enjoying life with family. I'd like to see my family more than once a week. I only live a 35 minute drive away but it's hard to get in and out of Boston sometimes,once I leave work. (Traffic gets heavy.) I plan to spend more time with family and make more memories together. I'd like to do something new or go somewhere new.

    I am so grateful for my family members, my mother and grandmother have been wonderful influences that always seem to keep me grounded. I turn to my Nana a lot. She has been very supportive and I'm grateful God has placed her in my life. I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for her. I wouldn't be the same girl. I would've lost my way so long ago. I'm thankful for the support. In these last couple of yours I've grown up a lot and see how much I'm favored by God. I am loved so much. I have so much to be grateful for. I have a healthy child and I'm blessed with a job and a safe place to live. I live in a country where I have opportunities to make a difference and stand out. One thing I need to do more is show appreciation more and thank God more for everything that has happened in my past and in my present.

   I need to enjoy my life a little more. I need to take time off from work and just enjoy my surroundings. I've been working so hard lately and I need a week off before I snap.( Its been a crazy couple of weeks at work). I'm going to take some day trips and enjoy time with my son and try to get out with some family. I hope to have a good time I have five days off and I really want to renew and refresh. I want to do something that will make me more thankful.

kind,loving soul

always accepting me

patient,loyal friend

joyous moments last

forever stay with me, true to us

open your heart

New Fears

   

   I over think a lot and lately I’ve been thinking I won’t accomplish my goals. I feel like its going to take so much time and a lot of hard work. I know I am fully capable of accomplishing my goals. I just let other things get in my way sometimes. I fear that I won’t succeed. I really want to finish school and make my mother proud of me. Finishing school will make me so happy. I never really had good accomplishments in school. I barely made it out of high school.

    I remember when I was in high school, I had one teacher that pushed me. I didn’t have anyone else helping me. My mom hardly mentioned school. She just woke me up everyday and brought me there. I had a few teachers telling me I wouldn’t make it far. I never had much help. School never was a big deal for me until now. If I had a college degree, I’d be alright. I don’t think I’d struggle so much and I know for sure I wouldn’t be working in a post office as a seasonal- temp. That’s my story though and my life. I have to deal with it and get myself away from these thinks. I need to push all of my fears aside and focus on the obstacle of finishing.

      The fear of not succeeding puts a stress on me, I need to become a nurse to take better care of my son. I sometimes fear I’ll give up. I rarely finish little things like, putting together a photo book or finishing a scarf I’m knitting. I want to get a degree. At least an associate’s. Once I reach this goal, I’ll aim for another. I’ll prove a lot to myself. I don’t want to be stuck in this dead end job I have. Its hard to live off this pay. The older my son gets, the more money I spend. I’m going to push harder for him, this will help control my fears and anxieties.I want to look back at this post and say. “That was the old me." I feel very weak right now because I don’t have much of an education but I know I’ll get there. I’ll be so much better, everyone has to start somewhere.

 

 

 

 Throughout these years, I'm facing my fears
 I'm switching my gears and I'm pulling my hair.
 The stress, the game,
 am I almost there?
- Feel like,
its a game of dare. Do I even belong here?
 So , I sit and think about the path that  I take,
about the cash I make, Feel like I'm going to break.
 I have to keep it together, gotta act more clever
Its getting heavy like snow in cold weather.
Christmas is coming, have to put gifts under the tree. I have a baby to feed.
I have to reach this dream. I'll do it alone
I don't need no team. I'mma do it for me.
Nothing comes in life, free.
Gotta work real hard
and reach for the stars. Keep my head in the books and my heart on the grind.
 I have to get my degree or I'll probably lose my mind.
 I have to do it for me, I have to do it for mine.
 

 

Got to be a better way.

    I'm at a place in my life where I constantly count the time. I feel like my days go by so fast and I'm running out of time. I should have accomplished more in my life. I want so much more for myself and I have to get it.

    Money holds me back a lot. I'm always thinking about making money. Most of my time goes into it. What ever free time I have, I'm trying to sell something. When I could be doing homework. I've been like this for years. I put the dollar first, then the school work. No one ever pushed me to better in school. I was told to work hard and save my money. As I get older, I see the importance of education. I will not make it out of this whole without something to stand up on. I plan to learn and grow. I promise to push myself higher. Education is on my heart. I feel its my only way out. I have to go down this path. I want to be so much better. I want to have something to fall back on and I want my mother to be proud of me. I want to be different than what I'm used to. I don't want to struggle anymore.

 
    I can do so much better and have happiness. No money can buy that. I want to work and be happy and feel secure . I need a bigger check that last longer. I'm going push and get these credits up. My grades will stick with me. I can't keep a dollar in my pocket but I pray I can keep good grades on my transcript.

 

 

 

 

When I am in the moment

Hoping, growing wishing, yearning.

I want to grow and hope to win. I wish I could grab the star that's deep within.

I’m shining bright now and ready to be,

every thing that’s meant for me. It’s in my grasp,

I almost hold

Everything I dreamed, worth more than gold.

My past, present future, all wrapped in one. One day I’m flying, one day I’m down.

I will keep trying,

Feet off the ground.

I wish for the best.

This is just a test. I will succeed and I will conquer, this road is just a quest.

I will not fail, its not in this story and when I’m done I’ll dance in my glory.

My life in this moment a big happy mess. So happy and free but what's in the rest?

I’m growing and hoping,

What will I be?

Will I still be happy? Could I still be me?

Some people lose themselves

They change and grow bitter

Will I still shine bright? I feel dripped up in glitter. I am so refreshed and ready to be

Everything I ever wanted,

a better me.

An unexpected Start

 A couple of months ago my boss told my hours will be changing and I have to learn a new trade. I had to learn how to sort mail, (by street number), to the mail carriers at the post office I work at. I'm not a regular career employee,so any day things could change for me. I was content with the way things were. I was very comfortable with my old hours I had. I liked the regular 8-5 I had. The only issue was I couldn't go to school.

At first, I was very worried, uncomfortable and the change brought a lot of stress.It was new for me. I have to be at work at 6 am now.  At work,I felt like a burden to my co-workers. I felt like I was always in the way, asking questions. I always felt like I was working too fast because the old timers are slower. I feel like the older coworkers wish I wasn't there because their jobs are being cut . I am taking some of their hours and doing work twice as fast but I don't mean to. I just like to get the work done efficiently. I'm just being an honest worker. Everyday, I tell myself I'm there for one thing, money.(Money to support my family).

At home, I had to ask my family to help with my son. This was hard for me because I like to do everything for myself. I have to have his dad drop him off. I like to drop him off and pick him up but I had to give that up. I have to depend on my mother sometimes.  Asking for help was very hard for me but I realized its okay to be helped especially by the ones who care. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to do better.

 After all, I feel like this experience has been one of the best things that happened this year. Even though its something that I was afraid of and I didn't want it. Everything is working out.I got a chance to work earlier hours and go to school, something I've been wanting to do for a long time. This experience came right on time. I've never been so ready to give my all at school. These few weeks have been amazing I'm learning a lot about myself through this class and others. I have the ability to do better. Its great. I'm so proud of the little work I've already done. I'm starting to set goals and they are mine. I will reach them.

   Alchemy and a Simple Goal

Hearty precious to my soul
 Have you ever set a goal?
 Something worthy.
 Something new, fresh or bold
Wasn't easy but I have grown.

 Looking back I see the signs
 Wasn't wasted space, just on my mind.
 Open doors and opened blinds.
  I am happy,
  it is mine.

 I'll let the world come and see
 What I want and who I'll be.
 Now it is mine and mine to keep,
 this shinning light inside of me.
Like a dream I have a woke. Like my favorite song
someone just spoke. Something worthy
Something strong
Changing, wrapped up in my mind.
 I want new life and happy times
Its in my grasp
I'm in my prime.