To BE or Not To BE?

   I am most passionate about bringing happiness into my son's life. Everyday I wake up, I strive to be a better mother. God placed him in my life, right on time. I will forever be grateful and try my best to bring him happiness. Some interests of mine include, spending time with family, laughing, and singing. ( I have a horrible voice but music makes me happy and I try to make people laugh a lot through music.) I like to cut and style hair. I went to cosmetology school but decided it was more of a hobby. I want to travel a lot ,see new places and learn from those experiences.  I am a happy person with a strong heart that tends to be too sensitive. I find myself always helping others. Its like I'm drawn to help people. Helping others is part of me and brings me an inner happiness and peace. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment. I'm not sure what job will make me happy everyday. I know I want to be a nurse, but not sure if being a mid wife will keep me happy. Will I get bored?  

I'm really not sure  what I will be doing in my future. Every day people's lives change. I will continue to do the things that make me happy and stick to my heart's desires. I hope to stay strong willed. I see people change every day. Some people get upset with their lives and grow accustomed to their simple ways. I want to be much more. I'm willing to give up all the old things for better things. I'm leaving my job to get back to care giving. Later in life, I will probably have a bunch of jobs. I'm still planning and deciding. I never thought it would be so hard to be truly happy with one job. I'm starting to think there is no one ideal job for me. What ever it is I do, I just want to be happy and be allowed to reach out to people that need me. I want to make a difference and help change someone's life. I just have to get my own in order first. Why is it so hard for me to be decisive? I'm twenty-four years old! Most of the kids I knew in school have their things in order.Graduated college and some are married. I think of these things all the time but I am still grateful. Grateful for every moment of hardship, every struggle has made me stronger and gives me bigger dreams.

   I'm going to continue to work with people in every job  I do. I couldn't imagine working at a computer desk all day. I just spent two years of my life working with dead letters. I need to be helping someone that needs me. Hands on, giving a hand. That makes me happy. Even when I worked too hard or cried over the stresses of someone else. It made a lot of sense to me. It meant a lot to be a part of someone's life. I hope to continue to be passionate about care giving. I will probably be working with older adults with physical and mental disabilities. I did this before and I was happy with it. I want to ensure that the people without a voice  are well taken care of. Maybe I could over look the care of the elderly, one day. We'll see. 

 I know I have a lot of figuring out to do and a lot of hard work to get through.   I know I can do it. There are people out there that need someone like me to help and care. 

What will I be? to succeed?
I can't find my way so I reach out in my dreams.
I can't figure it out.
God,
-Please help me.
You know my heart and its good intentions.
Give me a sign to the first step. I will listen.
I love to help those in need but I feel something is missing.
I want the answers to my life. Whats my purpose?
 Is this right?
 Some times I'm up at night. I try to do my best in all. but will I be of help,
when my patients call.
Can I support, protect,and still stand tall.
There is someone reaching out for my help.
They need a hand to hold, not just a gate belt.
They cannot walk but try their hardest.
The force inside each person's fight needs no harness.
Alzheimer's cannot hold them back.  We will all be come fragile, cut them some slack. 
My compassion for those in need might break my back but never will I second guess or crack. Born to be a nurse and I will care. 
Its who I will become and what I am.